my doodly notes

Bismillah, alhamdulillah. Dalam pada menjalani hari- hari dengan penuh kerisauan sebab banyak perkara baru datang bersama ketidak pastian, hari ini keputusan semester 1 sedikit sebanyak menceriakan hati. Walaupun cik abang kata, sebagai pelajar pasca siwazah penyelidikan, gred kerja kursus tu bukanlah segalanya. Tapi yelah, boleh la dikatakan dah sampai ke check point pertama dalam 'marathon' ini. Aku coretkan catatan di sini, supaya aku tidak lupa proses yang aku lalui dalam 5 bulan pertama pengajian ini. Mungkin boleh jadi pedoman buat sesiapa sahaja. 1. Syukur dan niat Alhamdulillah, aku bersyukur diberi peluang Allah letakkan ku di sini. Apabila kita dalam ruang lingkup dan persekitaran menuntut ilmu, ruang memperbaiki diri amat luas. Ramai yang mungkin menganggap sambung belajar ni dapat "lari" dari kerja, tapi tanggapan itu tak 100% betul. Kerana, aku sudah jangka, proses belajar sangat tidak mudah. Jadi, alasan itu tak boleh dijadikan 'big why' dalam me...

  What Did I Do Today (Dawud Wharnsby) The moon has come, the day is done, The night has covered up the sun, I have stood so often before you to pray, But I wonder Allah, tell me, what did I do today? Did I remember the words of Al-Fatihah? Did I take time to thank you for all that I have? Did I call on you to guide my way? Tell me what did I do today? I have whispered to you as I made Ruku' Subhana Rabby'yal Adheem. But was my faith bright or gray? Oh Allah, tell me, what did I do today? Did I smile at my brother? Was I kind to my Mother? Did I teach another something I know? Or did my love of this world lead me astray? Tell me what did I do today? Sami Allah hu liman hamida Rabbana Lakal Hamd. Sami Allah hu liman hamida Rabbana Lakal Hamd. Though I've bowed to you with my face in the dust, Subhana Rabby'yal a'la. The blessings you give I could never repay. Oh Allah, tell me, what did I do today? Did I use my time? Did I use my mind? If I search my heart what will ...

 Tahun 2020 kita semua sangat diuji. Makin ramai terjejas mentalnya. Wahai insan, ambillah Al Quran, baca dan renungilah. InshaAllah, jika kita membacanya dengan mengharapkan petunjuk dan rahmatNya, Allah akan kurniakan kita ketenangan yang sebenar. Ujian ini adalah 'filter' untuk kita mencari di mana yang silap untuk kita singkirkan kesilapan kita itu seterusnya. Firman Allah, ...Dan Allah menurunkan bersama nabi- nabi -Kitab yang terkandung kebenaran, untuk memberi jawapan kepada manusia tentang apa yang mereka perselisihkan... (sebahagian ayat 213: Surah Al- Baqarah) ...Boleh jadi kamu bencikan sesuatu, padahal ia baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu sukakan sesuatu padahal ia tidak baik bagimu. Allah mengetahui, sedangkan kamu tidak mengetahui. (sebahagian ayat 216: Surah- Baqarah) ada sambungan lagi ayat ni, maaf..ayatnya: "Ingatlah, sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu dekat"

It has been so long I had not had any pimple on my face. I got this because I pinched my skin too hard to expel a white head.  But I'm grateful, anyway.  

 

week 2. Today is a little bit disappointing.  I had managed to read only 5 journals in a week (which supposed to be 20). I shed my first tear. silently. and let also the silence speak. there are a lot of negativity vibrating inside me but i had no time to be the victim of the situation. I'll prove to myself, my children are not the excuse for me not to excel in my studies. i will one day, inshaallah get a grip on my discipline and the discipline of this knowledge. I'll take anything to achieve my goals. I'll value my time and teach my thoughts to believe that i can do it. if others might not be with me, that's ok because to Allah I  rely on.

 I have nothing to complain. i only keep reminding myself to do what is hard. the hardship now is i still cant find my path in the research. i will keep on reading. i will find the research gap. i will try to understand the journals. i will figure out what im gonna do. i am passion about changing myself.  im not going to afraid to looked stupid and foolish. allah has put me here. i will walk this path. my laziness, my defeat will cost me a lot. i will fail at some point in my life there's no doubt. i have to keep walking. dont quit. no fall back. keep praying. didnt matter to keep on failing. if you dont fail you dont even try. fulfill your potential. act on your ideas. dont spend people's money and time just to feel weak and lazy!!!!!!! 11.12 p.m  i feel like crying but there's no tears wanted to come out